Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
