I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
