Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
