I have demons in me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
