And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
