dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love you.
Bad choice
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
