I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
