can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
