I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize