3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
