your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she peed on how many people?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
