I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We talked him into tasing himself.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
