Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You just made me feel so damn special
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
