I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
