Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
