My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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