Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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