cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
