at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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