I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize