Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
