I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize