You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
