She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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