Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it hurts more in the daytime
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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