and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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