I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
