that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God, I missed his penis.
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