I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
