Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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