hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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