I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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