i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
