i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
