Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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