1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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