I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
