dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
