He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
