Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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