Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
