I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
