i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize