dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
