A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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