nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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