We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so that wasnt chicken after all
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
