My sheets look like a crime scene.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
