I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
