I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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