The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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