If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
