dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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