I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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