I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
