You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize