dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You are a genius and a whore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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