So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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