38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
