I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
