so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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