Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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