mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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