Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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