Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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