quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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