Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
