Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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