Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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