Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
