He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
