i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I skipped work to stalk him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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