Jerry, you need to find god
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
