my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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